I'm a perfectionist, and not in a good way. It harms me much more than it helps me.

I was trying to come up with a phrase that I might be able to repeat to myself as a reminder that progress beats perfection and that small steps in the right direction really do matter. I came up with this:

Hope for perfect. Aim for great. Celebrate good.

Consider saying this to yourself any time perfectionism gets in the way of your happiness, whether the source of your frustration is your diet or your wedding. Nothing is ever perfect, and I've come to appreciate that any goal taken to the extreme becomes truly neurotic and harmful. Hope for perfect. Aim for great. Celebrate good.

#PersonalDevelopment #Wellbeing

In a recent edition of The Ethicist, a letter to the editor style publication from the New York Times, Kwame Anthony Appiah responds beautifully to a difficult question a reader asked about whether they should cut off an acquaintance who has committed racist acts.

Like you, I favor a bit of grace in a world full of sinners. And cutting off everyone who is morally flawed would leave you with a very small coterie of friends — who might then be tempted by the flaw of moral vanity. (In which case you’d have to get rid of them, too.)

You say you’re an equality-minded liberal. The way to live your creed isn’t by curating a spotless feed of spotless minds but by helping people do better. Hew to the norm; judge the person by what he does next; show grace where it stands a chance to help someone grow. That’s the difference between moral vanity and moral work.

This dovetails nicely with my last post, Counterproductive activism. I would never defend racist acts, obviously, but I agree that moral work demands helping others to be better, if at all possible. The rest, as he says, is moral vanity. Gosh, what a great term.

By the way, helping others to be better means approaching their wrongdoings with kindness, curiosity, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. It's a slow and painful process, but that's how change happens. This approach is needed even when others cause severe harm. In fact, it's needed especially when others cause extreme harm. Just ask Megan Phelps-Roper, who left the incomparably hateful Westboro Baptist Church only after others had the idea to challenge her with patience and curiosity. Telling someone off in the form of “advice,” when you know the message won't be heard, because it makes you feel better about yourself? That's not moral work, in my opinion. That's moral vanity.

Am I guilty of moral vanity? Yep, in ways I both do and don't notice. Even this post might convey a kind of moral vanity. If you notice times when I'm guilty of it, though, let's talk about it.

#Communication #PersonalDevelopment #Philosophy #Politics #SocialMedia #Technology

I want to help create a better world. That involves persuading people to see things differently—to care more about animal suffering, for example—but I also need to be sure I'm not pushing people away.

Little does more harm to a cause than the perception that its adherents are crazy. I've never heard anyone say, “Gosh, vegans are nuts… I should be one of them!” Purity tests are similarly destructive. Want to make an enemy out of a potential ally? Chastise them for not being good enough. On the contrary, celebrating small steps in the right direction achieves so much more than demanding perfection. (Guess who else isn't perfect. I'll give you a hint: you can find them in your mirror. Mine, too.)

Protesting outside KFC and throwing red paint on fur coats probably increases animal suffering, on balance, by deepening the resistance and habits of those who oppose ethical veganism. Similarly, having a meltdown when someone disagrees with one's economic vision probably hinders the economic justice they're after.

For this reason, I'm so frustrated and disappointed that social media fosters extremism and encourages users to preach to the choir. It's worse than a massive opportunity cost. It actually leads us to harm those we are trying to help.

#Belief #Communication #PersonalDevelopment #Philosophy #Politics #Technology

Some of the best healthcare is free: fresh air, sunshine, exercise, clean water, good sleep, meaningful relationships, and real foods from the Earth. (Well, whole foods like these are not free, but they're often less expensive than the big, bright, fantastical confections that dominate grocery store shelves.)

Of course, none of this is enough, or our ancestors would have lived much longer than they did. Vaccines, medicine, and medical treatments obviously extend life and improve outcomes in profound ways. But to a large extent, what we're lacking—what I'm lacking, at least—is not the big business of medical technology. It's healthier habits and deeper engagement with the real world.

I'm just beginning to really understand this, and I want to be better, so I'm writing this partly as a reminder to myself.

#Business #PersonalDevelopment #Philosophy #Technology #Wellbeing

“Trust arrives on foot and leaves on horseback.”

—Dutch proberb

#Belief #Communication #PersonalDevelopment #Philosophy #Quotes

For most people, most of the time, there is almost no line between wanting to believe and actually believing. I'm guilty of this, too, in ways I don't even notice. The fact is illuminating, though. It explains so much.

#Belief #Favorites #PersonalDevelopment #Philosophy #Politics #Science #SocialMedia #Wellbeing

Grief is not as it appears in movies. It's confusion and disbelief, it's dull and numb, with periods of intense, breathless sadness when one is least expecting it.

#PersonalDevelopment #Philosophy #Wellbeing

If it’s important, do it first.

For years, I’ve tried to remind myself of this. Work expands to fill the time allotted, and with so many distractions vying for our attention every minute of every day, it’s easy to see how the things we care most about sometimes go undone.

If it’s important, do it first.

#PersonalDevelopment #Technology #Wellbeing

Multitasking almost never works. I want to show respect to the people around me. I want to fully engage with them. That means not looking at screens that they aren’t looking at. It's easier said than done.

#Communication #PersonalDevelopment #SocialMedia #Technology

I once wrote a blog post entitled Less is more. It did fairly well on Hacker News, and two people commented in situ. I was pretty excited. (The comments weren't able to be migrated here.)

Years later, I read the following article from the Washington Post, which dovetails nicely with it. I recommend giving it a read:

We instinctively add on new features and fixes. Why don’t we subtract instead?

#Business #PersonalDevelopment #SoftwareDevelopment #Technology #Usability #UserExperience